An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar and each orders a pint of beer. When the drinks arrive they notice that all three pints have a fly in them. The Englishman just looks at his pint in disgust and pushes it away. The Irishman picks out the fly with his fingers, [...]
Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. “I’ll bet you $10 he’ll jump,” said the first guy. “Bet you $10 he won’t,” said the second guy. Then, the guy on [...]
A man walks into a bar looking kinda low. The bartender asks him what wrong? The man says I just got fired from my job, and now my wife’s mad at me. The bartender replied, well I know something that will cheer you up. You see that horse over there? The man replied yea. Well [...]
A man walks into a bar and notices his friend sitting alone staring at a tiny man on the table playing the piano. “Wow, look how small he is, where did you get him?!” Says the man. “Oh, well there’s this genie round the back of bar, and he grants you whatever wish you want.” [...]
A man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is done the barman tells him he owes $10. “But I paid, don’t you remember?” says the customer. “Okay,” says the barman, “If you say you paid, you did.” The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees [...]
A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. “Does your dog bite?” “No.” A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg. “I thought you said your dog didn’t bite!” the man says indignantly. “That’s not my dog.”
A strong biker walks into a bar and sees a small man with what looks like a beer. He walks over and drinks the mans beer. The little man says: “Why, why does this always happen to me? First i get fired from my job then my wife leaves me and now you come and [...]
A brain walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a pint of beer please.” The barman looks at him and says “Sorry, I can’t serve you.” “Why not?” asks the brain. “You’re already out of your head.”
Guy goes into a bar, there’s a robot bartender. The robot says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini.” The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “168.” The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology. The guy [...]
There was a guy at the bar who was so drunk he threw up on himself. “Oh no! What should I do my wife will kill me!” he said. “Oh don’t worry” said his friend. “Just put $20 in your pocket and say that a bloke was sick on you and he gave you money [...]
