“That bastard husband of mine wanted me to sleep with the landlord because he lost the rent money playing poker,” the housewife told a neighbor. “You didn’t do it, did you?” “I have to admit I did — though with certain misgivings, I might add. What I haven’t done, though, is tell my husband the [...]
A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing.” “What do they say?” the priest inquired. “They say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?” “That’s obscene!” the priest exclaimed, [...]
A student had spent all his money, so he called his mother from college and asked if she could send him some. “Of course, I’ll send you some money, dear,” Mom said. “By the way, you left your calculus book here when you visited last month. Would you like me to send that to you [...]
A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they retired to bed. So, both go to their separate beds, however the man was not yet ready to slumber. The man called over to his wife, “My little boopey-boo, I’m lonely.” So the woman [...]
A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker and because of the grief they have experienced; he decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise. They’re all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish [...]
Sidney was thinking about how good his wife had been to him, and how fortunate he was to have her. He asked God, “Lord, why did You make her so kind hearted?” God responded, “So you could love her, my son.” “Why did You make her so attractive?” “So you could love her, my son.” [...]
Rabinowitz is coming back to Israel. The customs officer asks him what he has in his heavy suitcase and Rabinowitz responds: “Bird-feed for my parrot.” The officer is still suspicious and opens it. It’s all coffee! “Didn’t you say it was bird-feed for your parrot?” asks the officer. Rabinowitz responds: “If she doesn’t eat it, [...]
THREE SISTERS AGES 92, 94, AND 96 LIVED IN A HOUSE TOGETHER. ONE NIGHT, THE 96 YEAR OLD DRAWS A BATH. SHE PUTS HER FOOT IN AND PAUSES. SHE YELLS DOWN THE STAIRS, “WAS I GETTING IN OR OUT OF THE BATH?” THE 94 YEAR OLD YELLS BACK, “I DON’T KNOW. I”LL COME UP AND [...]
Bill, Hillary and Kerry are flying on Kerry’s wife’s private jet. Bill looks at Hillary, chuckles and says, “You know, I could throw a $100.00 bill out the window right now and make somebody extremely happy.” Hillary shrugs her shoulders and says, “Well, I could throw ten $10.00 bills out the window and make 10 [...]
I went to the store the other day, I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a damn motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, ‘Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?’ He ignored me and continued [...]
