A man buys a lie detector robot which slaps people who lie. He decides 2 test it at dinner.DAD: Son, where were you today during school hours? SON: at School. Robot slaps son! Ok, I lied, I went to the movies. DAD: Which one?SON: Toy Story. Robot slaps son again! Ok, it was a day [...]
Bill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself face to face with God. God stood over Bill Gates and said, “Well Bill, I’m really confused on this one. It’s a tough decision; I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every [...]
1.Husband asks: “Do u know that the meaning of WIFE is: W ithout I nformation F ighting E very-time Wife replies: ” No,…… It means: W ith I diot F or E ver !!!” 2.What’s the difference between stress, tension and panic? Stress is when wife is pregnant,… Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant. [...]
A doctor and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, “And you are no good in bed either,” and storms out of the house. After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and calls home. She comes to the phone [...]
Guy 1: “How’s your history paper coming?” Guy 2: “Well, my history professor suggested that I use the Internet for research, and it’s been very helpful. Guy 1: “Really?” Guy 2: “Yes! I’ve already located 17 people who sell them!”
A man was riding a bus, minding his own business, when this gorgeous woman next to him started to breastfeed her baby. The baby wouldn’t take it, so she said, “Come on, eat it all up or … I’ll have to give it to this nice man here.” Five minutes later, the baby was still [...]
An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing. An auditor is someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded. A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. (Mark [...]
While walking through a parking lot, I tripped and fell flat on my face. As I was lying there, a woman stopped her car and called out, “Are you hurt?” “No, I’m fine,” I said, touched by her concern. “Oh, good,” she continued. “So will you be vacating your parking space now?”
One day, a very attractive under graduate girl visited the professor’s office. The under graduate pulled the chair closer to the professor, smiled at him shyly, bumped his knee “accidentally”, etc. Finally, the undergraduate said, “Professor, I really need to pass your course. It is extremely important to me. It is so important that I’ll [...]
President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approach him. “What is it?” exclaims the President. “It’s the Abortion Bill, Mr. President – what do you want to do about it?” “Just go ahead and pay it.”
