Little Johnny catches his parents going at it. He yells in, “Hey, Pop! What are you doin’?” His father says, “Son, I’m filling your mother’s tank.” Johnny says, “Oh, yeah? Well, you better get a model that gets better mileage. The postman filled her this morning.”
An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. “I want to become a lawyer. How much is it or the express degree you told me about?” “It’s $50,000,” the lawyer said. “But why? You’ll be dead soon, why do you want to become a lawyer?” “That’s my business! [...]
A middle-aged couple, with two beautiful daughters, decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. Soon, the wife became pregnant, and, nine months later, delivered a baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son, but was horrified to find an incredibly-ugly baby. He went to [...]
A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him. “Why do we have to learn this stuff?” one young man blurted out. “To save lives,” the professor responded before continuing the lecture. A few minutes later the student spoke up again. “So how does physics [...]
Little Johnny came downstairs bellowing lustily. His mother asked, “What’s the matter now?” “Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with a hammer,” said Johnny through his tears. “That’s not so serious,” soothed his mother. “I know you’re upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at something like that. Why didn’t [...]
A blonde, A brunette, and a red-head all died in a car crash, and they all went to heaven at the same time. They arrive at the gates of heaven, when God appears and tells them they must pass a laughter test, if they fail, they will be sent to hell. The objective was to [...]
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, [...]
Moishe Goldberg was on his death bed and asked Rabbi Solomon to come and visit him. Rabbi Solomon said, “Now is the time to repent for all of the sins that you have committed. Acknowledge that all of your sins were foolishness, and you were tricked by Satan and your yetzer hara (evil inclination).” The [...]
A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads “Talking Dog for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks in. “So what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog. “I’ve led a very full life,” says the dog. “I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And [...]
Upon entering the confessional, a young women spilled the beans, admitting: “Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me — seven times.” The priest thought long and hard, then said, “Take seven lemons and squeeze them into a glass, then drink it.” The young woman asked, “Will this cleanse me of my sins?” [...]
