A group of kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk! You need to use ‘Big People’ words,” she was always reminding them. She asked John what he had done over the weekend? “I went to visit [...]
The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and tells whether you are qualified to be a “professional”. Scroll down for the answers after you have thought about it. The questions are not that difficult. 1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put [...]
A congregant asks his rabbi, “Rabbi, you’re a man of God. So why is it that you are always talking about business, when I, a businessman, am always talking about spiritual matters?” “You have discovered one of the principles of human nature,” the rabbi replies. “And what’s that Rabbi?” “People like to discuss things they [...]
In surgery for a heart attack, a middle- aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside. “Will I die?” she asks. God says, “No. You have 30 more years to live.” With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. So since she’s in the hospital, she [...]
A poodle and a collie are walking together when the poodle suddenly unloads on his friend. “My life is a mess,” he says. “My owner is mean, my girlfriend ran away with a schnauzer, and I’m as jittery as a cat.” “Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?” suggests the collie. “I can’t,” says the [...]
A guy arrives at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted. St. Peter is reading through the Big Book to see if the guy’s name is written in it. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow, and says, “I’m sorry, I don’t see your name written in the Book.” “How current [...]
In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear. In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could. The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of [...]
One day, Moishe went to the doctor and the doctor said that he had 10 days to 2 weeks left to live. Moishe said, ‘Dr. I’ve done good things all my life. All I ever wanted was to win the lottery, just once!’ The doctor said, ‘Sorry Moishe, you’re gonna die.’ So Moishe went to [...]
A bonehead award should go to all those people who made it necessary for General Motors to put the following explanation, and resolution, for the “Low Fuel Light” into the owner’s manual for their 2002 GMC Jimmy: “This light comes on when the fuel tank is low on fuel. To turn it off, add fuel [...]
A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower. “There is a blind man to see you,” she says. “Well, if he is a blind man, than it does not matter if I’m in the shower. Send him in.” The blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother [...]
