A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came out of the coma and he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, “You know [...]
Archive for the 'Husband and wife jokes' Category
Bob was in a lot of trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed, and started to give him the business. She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!” The next [...]
A lady walked into a drugstore and told the pharmacist she needed some cyanide. The pharmacist said, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?” The lady then explained that she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he said, “I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! That’s [...]
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. People would say, “What a peaceful & loving couple”. The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. The Husband replied: “Well, [...]
Wife: Honey, if I die would you get married again? Husband: No dear. Wife: I’m sure you would. Annoyed husband: Okay, I would. Wife: Would you let her sleep in our bed? Husband: Ya, I guess so. Wife: Would you let her wear my clothes. Husband: No, she is taller than you.
Husband: Honey, I invited a friend home for dinner. Wife: What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, all the dishes are dirty, and I can’t cook meal. Funny Husband: I know all that. Wife: Then why did you invite the friend? Funny Husband: Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married.
When her husband passed away, the wife put the usual death notice in the newspaper, but added that he had died of gonorrhoea. Once the daily newspapers had been delivered, a good friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, “You know very well that he died of diarrhoea, not gonorrhoea.” Replied the widow, “Yes, [...]
A woman asks her husband if he’d like some breakfast. “Bacon and eggs, perhaps a slice of toast? Maybe a nice sectioned grapefruit, and a cup of fresh coffee?” He declines. “It’s this Viagra,” he says, “it’s really taken the edge off my appetite.” At lunch time, she asks if he would like something. “A [...]
John woke up one morning with an enormous erection so he turned over to his wife’s side of the bed. His wife, Heather, had already awakened though, and she was downstairs preparing breakfast in the kitchen. Afraid that he might spoil things by getting up, John called his little boy into the room and asked [...]
A man and a woman had been married some time when the woman began to question her husband. “I know you’ve been with a lot of woman before. How many were there?” The husband replied, “Look, I don’t want to upset you, there were many. Let’s just leave it alone.” The wife continued to beg [...]