The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human, it was impossible. The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”.

The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?” The little girl replied, “Then you ask him!”

The man replied, “Is that your final answer”? She said, “Yes.”

…He said. “Ok, then, I’d like to phone a friend.”

The widow tells the guy to cut it off and stick it up her dear departed’s behind. The mortician can’t believe his ears but the widow is adamant, so he does it. During the funeral, friends and relatives of the dead man were concerned to see a tear in the corner of his eye, but the widow assured them that there was no cause to be alarmed.

Just before the casket is closed, the widow leans in and whispers in the dead man’s ear, “It HURTS, doesn’t it?”

Horrified, she said, “Tarzan you have that all wrong! I will show you how to do it properly.” She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground, and spread her legs wide. “Here,” she said, pointing, “You must put it in here.”

Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, “Why the hell did you do that?”

“Tarzan check for bees!”

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, “What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?” The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.

When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, “Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.”